People We Give A Hoot About: Andrew Wilson

For those of you who don't know who Andrew Wilson is, he is the less famous older brother of Luke and Owen Wilson. Naturally, he is an actor like his brothers, albeit a less successful one. But this status does not bother him one bit. When told by a reporter that he didn't know that Andrew existed, Wilson quipped, "Perhaps you missed by turn as a gay cop in The Big Bounce?" Although he isn't a star he has turned up in small roles in his brothers' films. He broke out as "Future Man" in Bottle Rocket, turned up as "Coach Beck" in Rushmore, was stellar as "Hansel's Corner Guy" in Zoolander, and stole the show as "Beef Supreme" in Idiocracy. In addition to his acting talents, he co-directed 2005's The Wendell Baker Story with his brother Luke. A little known fact is that he has a pellet lodged in his hand from an accident when he was a kid. It can be seen as Ben Stiller's character's hand in The Royal Tenenbaums. Hopefully we will see more of Andrew in the future. For his impressive body of work, we give a hoot.

People We Give A Hoot About: Slurms McKenzie

Today's people we give a hoot about features Slurms McKenzie from Futurama. Slurms is the company mascot for the drink, Slurm. He functions almost the same way Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald, or Duff Man do but Slurms is a step above the rest. His job is to party every night or he's fired. Naturally this leads to some exhaustion on his part. When Fry and the gang go to on a tour of the factory his job is to party with them. Unfortunately, Slurms is too tired and he pleads for them to take him to Earth in the following exchange:

Slurms: Shh! I want you to take me with you.
Fry: Say what?
Slurms: I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?
Bender: Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle-cap you have to party with us.
Slurms: Alright, when we get to Earth. But please don't invite too many people, I wanna keep it small.
Bender: No can do, Slurms!

Poor Slurms can't catch a break. But in reward for their kindness, he sacrifices himself at the end to protect his friends from the Slurm Queen.



For this brave act Slurms will be immortalized forever. Shakespeare described him the best in Julius Caesar when Marc Anthony says "Here was the noblest worm of the all." Slurms McKenzie will be sorely missed but he will never be forgotten. For his courage we give a hoot.

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For the F**k of it: Homage to our Native American Brothers

Pundo your pants and take off your punderware because it's time for some PUNADULTERTATED FUN!!!!!!

This time Saxual Innuendo! These are some real albums I found on the Internet.


Four guys to have sax with!



She's very in touch with her saxuality.



Sax Maniac? He looks like his date stood him up from the prom and now he's gonna have sax with himself.


This guy knows his saxey moments



The title says it all.



Who doesn't like sax all night with John Tesh?



Rough Sax with Christopher Brown? Hopefully this wasn't marketed towards straight men.



I'm bringing saxy back. Obviously not an album but I couldn't resist.



Gratutitous Sax and Senseless Violins. Probably my favorite title on the list.



Who doesn't like a little Christmas Sax?



Yes, Please.



Another John Tesh. Who knew?



This is fictional, but I like this cover better and I'm pretty sure John Tesh stole the title.

What is with John Tesh and all these puns? He probably spends all day coming up with these.

And now my favorite cover:

Nothing like Mr. Clean staring at you like he's gonna sax you down. Beautiful, just beautiful.

Now fake ones with ideas for covers!!!

Saxual Healing

A sad sax with a band aid

Make Up Sax

Two saxes kissing

Break Up Sax

Two saxes with boxing gloves

Let's Talk About Sax

A rhino in a tree.

Graphic Sax

Pixelated saxophone

I Wanna Sax You Up

A saxophone holding an up sign and pointing at you

Sax Ed

A sax that looks like a teacher in front of a class

Sax and The City

A horse with a nametag that says Carrie playing Sax, or four slutty saxes shopping

Bi-Saxual

A woman sexually toying with the mouthpiece and fingering the opening

Uni-Sax

A saxophone with one wheel

Asaxual

A sax reading a business magazine while attractive woman play outside his window

Saxism

A concerned chipmunk (chipmunks hate prejudice)

Homosaxual

Two boy saxes in bed

Heterosaxual

A guy and girl sax in bed

Saxology

A sax reading books about sax

Oversaxed

A sax in bed with two girl saxes looking exhausted

Undersaxed

A sax masterbating to a saxual magazine or a sax under a billboard that says sax

Transsaxual

A sax with a wig and mustache

Saxagenarian

An old woman playing sax with her teeth in a cup on the counter

Saxploitation

A sax with an afro and a gun with dead instruments nearby

Psychosaxual

A sax on a psychologist's couch

Sax-ty Nine

One sax upright the other upside down

Addicted to Sax

A Saxophone in a group meeting

Group Sax

A dirty pile of saxes in a pile, or a bunch of people playing sax naked

Interacial Sax

A sax in bed with a trumpet

Hardcore Sax

A sax made out of stone or with a metallica t-shirt

Sax Until Morning

A really tired guy playing the sax

Sax on Fire

A aggravated dolphin eating a burger

Bathroom Sax

A sax on the toilet with a newspaper

Sax and Candy

John Candy playing sax

For The F**k Of It: Magical Maestro

People We Give A Hoot About: Slowpoke Rodriguez

For those of you who don't know, Slowpoke Rodriguez is Speedy Gonzalez' slow cousin. He is the slowest mouse in all of Mexico while Speedy is the fastest. The reason we give a hoot about him is because he exhibits all the stereotypes of a stoner. He talks slowly, moves slowly, and always wants to eat. Although he exhibits these qualities, he also somehow is psychic and able to manipulate Sylvester the Cat by only using his mind as evidenced by the clip below. For this, we give a hoot.

Sound the alarm because it's time for a MERMAN MINUTE!!!!!

Open those ears, put on your best mink coat and take a few minutes out of your decidedly less honky tonk day to spend it with the dame that drove Irving Berlin bananas, the crooner that'll send you to the mooner, the undisputed "Queen of Ragtime," ETHEL MERMAN!!!!!!!!!

Ethel Merman - Ridin' High @ Yahoo! Video


If that smokey-voiced vixen didn't raise up your spirits than you, sir/ma'am, are dense.

Pundo your pants and take off your punderware because it's time for some PUNADULTERTATED FUN!!!!!!

Theme: Breakfast
-Hope this goes over easy.

-Are you syrupting with laughter.

-Is it bacon you crazy?

-Don't waffle on it too much.

-You better take this cereal.

-If not, prepare to be battered.

Now THAT was absolutely PUNREAL!!!!!!!!

People We Give A Hoot About: Wheels

We have a new segment called People We Give A Hoot About. Our first unsung hero is Wheels from the original Burger King Kids Club. On Wikipedia he is described as "a Caucasian paraplegic male in a wheelchair" but we like to think he's so much more. The picture above shows him as being good with tools which means he was useful to his friend I.Q. Unfortunately, he and Boomer the sport-loving tomboy never got along because sadly he could never play sports that required him to get up from his wheelchair, but his determination to get to Burger King despite some restaurants not having a wheelchair ramp, makes him a hero to millions. Well done sir. That is why we give a hoot.

Great Idea: Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey

I just realized that if these two got married, Oprah would be Oprah Chopra. I think that would be great. That is all.

Great Idea: Fur Coat Store

I was walking by the mechanic on my way to the apartment and they were watching "Pimp My Ride" and I thought what about a place for fur coats, bear rugs, and mink stoles? A great name for this place would have to be "Pimp My Hide" because they could also do alterations. I am a genius.

9 True facts about: Sinbad

These are all true.

Fact #1: Sinbad appeared in a Tae Bo ad in 1990, claiming that the technique was the catalyst that helped him make the transition from playful comedian to playful comedian action star...yup, action star.

Fact#2: Sinbad was featured on Star Search seven times, he won zero times.

Fact#3: Sinbad is still alive.

Fact#4: Sinbad played college basketball on a scholarship, earning the nickname "Red Chamberlain" in the process due to his fiery red hair. He assumed basketball would be his career. He was incorrect.

Fact#5: He later assumed comedy would be his career. He was incorrect again.

Fact#6: Sinbad once traveled to Bosnia with Hillary Clinton.

Fact#7: Sinbad was dishonorably discharged from the military for going AWOL too many times, and because he wasn't particularly useful.

Fact#8: Sinbad was dishonorably discharged from the world of comedy for going AWOL too many times, and becuase he wasn't particularly useful.


Unlike Sinbad's career, this segment will someday be revived.










uh oh...do you hear that....











Sounds like....

TONY DANZA POST CAMEO OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!!!

"Ayyyyy check out my harness, Fuhgeddaboutit!!!!!!"

Hungover

I'm hungover today so I put up this great song from The Hangover. I'm gonna take an aspirin now.

Badass Jews

In honor of Shabbat coming tonight (The Sabbath for you genitiles), I put together a list of badass jewish characters from movies and tv in no particular order. Shabbat Shalom!

Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski

I know he's only a convert but he still respects the Sabbath enough to refuse to bowl on this day of rest. The reason he's a badass however is for pointing a gun at a fellow bowler who possibly stepped over the line. It takes a certain kind of insanity to do this and for that he earns a spot on the list. Bonus points for sticking to the religion after a divorce from his Jewish wife.

Hyman Roth from The Godfather Part II

Although he is old and seems humble, he is in reality a wealthy and powerful man who uses Michael Corleone's own brother Fredo to get information on him in order to kill him. That takes a certain amount of balls and for that he gets respect. Unfortunately Michael finds out and in the end arranges for him to be killed. Bonus points for being based on a real-life gangster Meyer Lansky.

The Basterds from Inglorious Basterds

They get a spot on the list for being the baddest Jews in all of Europe. Their entire mission is just to kill and scalp Nazis and they do so with joy. One member, the Bear Jew, uses a baseball bat to beat them to death, which is just awesome.

The Hebrew Hammer from The Hebrew Hammer

The Hebrew Hammer is on the list pretty much just for going into a bar full of skinheads and yelling, "Shabbat Shalom Motherfuckers!" before killing them all. If that isn't badass then I am not sure what is.

Avner Kaufman from Munich

He's on the list for being the team leader of a bunch of Jewish assasins responsible for killing all those responsible for the Munich Massacre at th 1972 Olympics. Seeing him go from unsure man with a gun to full-fledged killer is enthralling. Bonus points for being based on a real guy.

The Bielski Partisans from Defiance

Three Brothers killing Nazi's and saving Jews. What more do you need to know?



Mordechaj Anielewicz from Uprising

On the list for being responsible for the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising and managing to kill a few Nazi's. It's pretty amazing that he was a real person.

Ari Gold from Entourage

Compared to the others hes pretty lame but he's on the list for pretty much saying anything he wants and getting away with while managing to be succesful as a high powered agent with a beautiful wife.

More Accurate Job Titles For Celebrities

I was watching TV the other night and there was a commercial for an acne cream with Mandy Moore. Under her name it said Actress/ Singer. I thought to myself that it was inaccurate because she can neither act nor sing. So I thought of other celebrities and came up with more accurate job descriptions. Enjoy.

Mandy Moore

Attractive Woman

Aston Kutcher

Camera Company Spokesperson

George Lopez

Unfunny Mexican

Carlos Mencia

Even Unfunnier Fake Mexican

Hugh Grant

Constantly Befuddled British Man

Matthew McConaughey

One Time Actor/ Anti-Shirt Activist

Robert Pattinson

Fake Vampire

Dane Cook

Real Vampire

('cause he sucks, get it?)

Paris Hilton

Bad Sex Tape Performer

Kim Kardashian

So-So Sex Tape Performer

Sarah Jessica Parker

Horse/Human Hybrid

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Escaped Mental Patients

Tom Cruise

Mentally Handicapped Actor

That's all I cared to do for now.

Great Idea: Stallone Brothers Sitcom

Today, while watching greatest one hit wonders of the 80's they did a segment on Frank Stallone and a thought popped into my head: what if there was a sitcom of the early days of the Stallone brothers or what if they teamed up to be cops in the present? Either way, I think a great title would be The Rolling Stallones.

Top 5 Hottest British Actresses Over 60

This is my list of the five sexiest British actresses over the age of 60. What better way to start off this blog with the hottest senior bitches you've ever seen on the other side of the Atlantic.

5. Angela Lansbury

Ms. Lansbury is one of the hottest actresses across the pond. The only reason she makes number five is her age which happens to be a staggering 84. Perhaps if this was the Murder She Wrote days she would be higher on the list. Although the picture above of her mimicking fellatio makes me want to reconsider.

4. Maggie Smith

What can I say? The 74 year-old Ms. Smith can melt men's hearts with just a stare, as evidenced above. Her role as Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter movies just makes me hot for teacher!!!

3. Julie Andrews

Stunning, really stunning. She really knocked my socks off in Mary Poppins and knocked my pants off when she was topless in S.O.B. Watching the Princess Diaries makes me wish i was a princess of Genovia so that this 74-year old hottie was my grandmother.

2. Helen Mirren

Long live the queen! With a rack like that she almost made first but unfortunately for the 64 year-old, her seductive performance as Queen Elizabeth II wasn't enough to be crowned again. But let me say this, Taylor Hackford is a lucky man.

1. Judi Dench

DAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNN!!! Long live the original queen!!!! Hands down the sexiest queen in history. Never before have I ever wanted to be a wig until I saw her in Shakespeare in Love. I was itching to take a peek under that dress. The picture above doesn't really do the 74 year-old justice but let me tell you she is like a fine wine that keeps getting better with age. I hope shes around for a long, long time so I can give her a go-around for a long, long time. I think my pants just got tighter.